Tuesday, May 1, 2012


I was changing James’s diaper the other day and I kissed his face while I waited for him to dry on the changing table. “I kissed your nose! Where should I kiss you next?” “Chin!” I kissed his chin. “Ear!” “Mouth!” I proceeded to kiss his ear and mouth. “Where should I kiss you next?” “Penis!”  

I tried to think of a diplomatic answer and told him, "No, we don't kiss areas covered by the diaper." However, James was not impressed. "Kiss penis!" he cried. "No," I told him. And he became more and more agitated: "Kiss penis! Kiss penis!"

James holds his two doggies and wears his doggy pajamas while he gets a new diaper.

Fast forward to the following day when I was changing James while he held his stuffed dog. As I changed him he narrated what Puppy Dog was doing. “Doggy kiss mouth!” “Doggy kiss nose!” “Doggy kiss cheek!” And then: “Doggy kiss penis!” Unlike the other kisses which were just quick pecks, this one was a good two minutes long. James excitedly told me, “Doggy kiss penis!“ like “See Mom, you wouldn’t do it but I found someone who will!” And then James kept repeating “Doggy kiss penis!” for me to acknowledge that I’d heard him. So in order for him not to think there was anything unusual going on I had to repeat, “Yes, Doggy is kissing your penis.” James then said “Close doors” and clamped his legs together against Puppy Dog’s head so it couldn’t possibly escape.

James and his puppy dog
Then Julia ambled over with a big grin and demanded, “Up up up.” I know she must have heard James utter the magic word “penis” because Julia never asks for me to pick her up while I’m changing James unless she wants to see it. (They’re both very fascinated by this part of James’s body and sometimes after I’ve just put a new diaper on him and he’s covered up, James will say, “Bye bye penis!”) This time she was disappointed because there was a stuffed dog’s head in the way. To help her out I had to move Puppy Dog’s head aside for a moment so she could see it and exclaim “Penis!”

I blame Mark’s genes.

Julia, Puppy Dog, and James in more innocent times.

No comment.



  1. I am sitting in my classroom administering the STAR test, and I have tears rolling down my face because I don't want to laugh out loud. This is the best story I've heard all week. Or in several weeks. I don't know the last time I heard a story quite as funny as "Doggy Kiss Penis!"