What I Didn't Realize About Babies Before Birthin' Em: Part III

11) Babies get weird things like baby acne and cradle cap

The baby acne was very minor and only lasted for a few weeks of the first month, but the twins still have cradle cap, which affects about half of all babies. Cradle cap basically is a harmless skin condition resulting in scaly patches on the scalp. We were told that putting a little baby oil on their scalps before a bath might help to slough it off. Julia has quite a bit of it on her scalp, which is currently completely hidden by an uber-cool mohawk. James (and Julia to a lesser extent) has it behind his ears (Cradle cap tagline:"cradle cap - it's no longer just for your cap!")

This is what cradle cap looks like. However, this is not one of my babies.

12) How much lint they accumulate in their hands and toes

Especially when they're little, babies keep their hands clenched at all times so eventually when you pry those tiny hands open you find quite a bit of wet stringy lint. Any socks they wear are constantly shedding tiny lint balls so that accumulates between their toes, too. Similarly their neck folds hide lint, mommy hair, and dried spit up. Yum.


Julia's baby feet! I can actually see a piece of lint in there now (on her left foot between her big toe and the next toe) (5 1/2 months)


Who knows what lint lies within James's rectangular baby feet (or as Mark calls them, "white anvils")?... (5 1/2 months)


Julia grips so hard you have to pry her hand open to get it out. (2 weeks)


13) You will be flooded in spit-up

This depends on the baby since my friend Rachel R. told me that each of her babies spit up a total of 10 times the first year. I don't know what kind of mutant perfect babies she had but ours spit up often both during and after feedings. They spit up less now but since James is on his tummy all the time lately, he leaves little puddles in his crawling wake. In their spit up heyday I had shirts that were literally drenched in spit up. I only wear cotton now. The first couple times they spit up on our purple sofa I'd fastidiously clean the spot, but eventually Mark and I both gave up and just gave the area a quick wipe. Also, there is nothing like spit up in your hair. That's a joy Mark doesn't have to deal with. It's especially disappointing if you finally got to wash your hair for the first time in nearly a week only to have it sticky and matted from spit up.


14) Hot water and soap destroy your hands

When I was the only one washing bottles for two days straight I developed a terrible case of eczema on my hands. Basically all the water and the anti-bacterial soap dried out my hands, and when you're washing bottles and changing diapers - especially for two - there's a lot of hand washing to be done. Apparently this is very common among mothers of small children. I now only use Dove Sensitive Skin bar soap, I make Mark wash the bottles, and I use food service disposable gloves during diaper changes to handle the wipes. At night I have to soak my hands in a tub of water for 10 minutes and follow it by coating my hands in Vaseline, applying two types of medicine, and then sleeping with cotton gloves.

Here's my eczema ravaged hand before treatment; fortunately the thumb has since grown back


15) It's fun seeing their personalities develop and so soon!

If you were to ask me at 6 months based on knowing them only the first week, "Who do you think will be a fussy eater?" and "Who can't wait to be mobile and explore?" (first answer: Julia, second answer: James) I would have guessed correctly.


James loves his toy as a newborn and still loves to figure out how it and other things work (2 1/2 weeks)


James having fun. Or crying. Probably having fun. (2 1/2 months)

What I Didn't Realize About Babies Before Birthin' Em: Part II

6) Their idea of a comfortable sleep position is different than your idea of a comfortable sleep position

I often find my babies sleeping with their heads tilted way back (the pictures don't do this justice) and both arms up beside them.


Another punching match in the crib... or is it? Actually they're both just sleeping. (2 1/2 months)


Julia strikes a pose - watch for her in America's Next Top Model Cycle 33 (1 1/2 weeks)


James with his head tilted back and pretzel legs (6 months)


7) Handling spit, ear wax, and boogers is no big deal when it's your baby

I think if it was another person's baby's spit, ear wax, and boogers I'd find them totally disgusting, but since they're my own babies I have no problem being hit with a saliva covered hand, clearing out a little ear wax with my pinky, or trying to pry out some boogers from an uncooperative baby. I joke that they should make baby booger tweezers. When I am able to pull out a booger I usually exclaim, "I got your booger! I got your booger!" And then I realize the jokes on me because I'm holding someone's booger...


I'm not into eating the babies' ear wax or boogers but if I were, I might also have a hankering for these ear wax and booger Jelly Belly flavors.


Oh my. Baby booger tweezers exist.


My new gym shirt?


Mmmm... boogery...


8) It's impossible to sleep in the same room as a baby

The first couple months in the early morning I would sometimes try to sleep on the sofa in the living room where the babies also slept. The problem is they make too many noises! And you don't know what those noises mean. You tell yourself you'll ignore it and go back to sleep, but then you start fixating on it and worrying that a cough you heard might mean they're choking, and before you know it you're up every five minutes checking to make sure they're okay.


9) Another thing you end up doing a lot after babies are first born is checking to make sure they're still alive.

Babies seem so vulnerable that it seems totally possible that they could die and you'd never know it. You end up watching them closely to see if they're still breathing. Mark taught me the easiest way to check their vitals - putting a hand on their chest to feel for breathing. I still do it, though not as much now.


10) You will have dreams where a baby is lying in bed next to you

Babies take over your life (if you haven't heard) and since you're constantly holding one you will eventually dream that there's one next to you in bed. Then you'll wake up and wonder if the dream was real or not, and you end up searching for a baby in your bed just in case. This happened to me repeatedly - Mark would see me searching for babies in the bed in the middle of the night and make fun of me. I knew there probably wasn't a baby there but I'd get up and double check the bassinets anyway to make sure there wasn't a baby on the loose. I wasn't the only one - I know my mom and Mark both woke up at times and thought there was a baby next to them.

Mark asleep in bed with his two babies (Julia and his Nexus One phone). (3 months)

What I Didn't Realize About Babies Before Birthin' Em: Part I

1) How much they rotate while sleeping

I've actually had babies do full 360s during the night. (I'd check on them every couple hours and see their progress. "Now they're at 90 degrees, now 180...") I think they're comforted by being able to touch a side of the crib. After we bought a full-sized crib we briefly had them share it, but one night I saw that James and Julia had rotated so that his head was next to her feet. That didn't seem like a good plan.


Julia got into this position herself. More than once I might add. (4 1/2 months)


James, probably about to embark on a 360 degree rotation (5 months)


2) Babies put their hands in their mouths constantly

Around the fifth month they'll start putting their hands and other objects into their mouths. I inwardly referred to our babies' sixth month as The Month Where EVERYTHING Went into Their Mouths. It's very animal-like - using your mouth to figure out the world around you. They'll pick up a toy, look at it for a moment, and then it goes straight to the mouth. The same happens when they grab onto your fingers and begin tugging them towards their mouths. It also becomes much harder to stage cute pictures because you have to convince them to remove that hand from their mouths. Double that problem with twins.

James tries to eat Julia's sleeve. (5 months)

James, you can politely kiss a girl's hand... not eat it. (5 1/2 months)

3) Your boobs will always be out (and also, sore)

This only applies if you are the mother of said babies. The first months, between breastfeeding every 2 to 2 1/2 hours to pumping in between, and having to let them air dry to prevent cracking, you'll always have your boobs on display. Invest in window shades. Also boob-related: "let down" is a pretty crazy experience.


4) A baby finding a nipple is like a dog with a chew toy

Let me explain. The first month when babies search for a nipple (human or bottle) they get close and then thrash around trying to locate it. It's not unlike a dog shaking his head back and forth while holding a chew toy.


Your boobs feel kind of like this.


5) Diapering is actually fun*

*Until about 8 months, then it becomes crazy

Diapering actually is fun before solid foods are introduced. Once solid foods are introduced in their sixth month, in the months that follow their poops are more substantial, plus it's around then that they like to flip over, and they're old enough they use their hands and want to "see what's going on down there." But before all that, at about one to two months when they're no longer crying while having their diaper changed, and only about 15% of their diapers involve poop, diapering is enjoyable. That's because by then they're just starting to smile and they stare at you and smile throughout the diaper change - especially if you sing or entertain them.



James on the changing table looking like he just told the punchline to a joke. "And then the pirate says, `Arrrr! It's driving me nuts!'" (2 1/2 months)