What Bed Rest for Two Months Is Like, Part II: I Make Fun of My Mother's Videos

I take a drug called Nifedipine, which is usually used to treat high blood pressure, but for me is key in stopping contractions. I set an alarm to take it every three hours, eight times a day. Just to be safe, at night I set two alarms. In addition because of my gestational diabetes, I check my blood sugar when I wake up and an hour after every meal. That means more alarms. I LIVE by alarms now. My sleeping hours are interrupted by a combination of niphedipine alarms every three hours and waking up to pee every one to two hours (the twins don't give my bladder much space). It feels like this is just preparation for what sleep will be like with two newborns.

All I hear any more...

I also have to do contraction checks twice a day for an hour each time. This actually started before I was ever in the hospital as part of a program to identify labor-inducing contractions and prevent pre-term labor in moms carrying multiples. Contraction checks involve lying on your side while you feel your belly with your hand. A hardening of the uterus is a Braxton Hicks contraction, and they often don't even involve pressure or pain. Contractions are okay (and normal as the pregnancy progresses) but it's of concern if there are too many within an hour or if they're at set intervals. (Thank goodness each of the three times I may have started to go into labor I noticed the contractions right away!) Then I log the number of contractions in that hour in my contraction diary. (This is in addition to my gestational diabetes blood sugar log.) Someone from the "contraction hotline" calls me once a week to record all the contraction totals. I'm not completely sure why.)

"Dear contraction diary... Zombie gynecologist is so dreamy..."

So two hours of my day is spent lying down with my hand on my belly feeling for contractions. Thankfully my doctor told me yesterday I could stop because all they care about now are the stronger ones. All I can do during that time is talk on the phone and watch TV. I often talk to Mark's mom or my mom, who also likes to send me awful Mork and Mindy videos of the episodes where Mork has a baby. I definitely run out of shows to watch. I pick ones I don't watch with Mark, so it's been a lot of Say Yes to the Dress, America's Next Top Model, Survivor, and Models of the Runway. (Don't judge!) Also, I watch reality show analysis on video on Entertainment Weekly's website. (Twins, if you're reading this in the future, I know you now think your mommy is brain dead.)

I know it's hard to believe but Jonathan Winters playing Mork and Mindy's child who ages in reverse does not hold up well.

Did The Curious Case of (Why No One Edited) Benjamin Button steal their central idea from Mork and Mindy but make it creepier?

I also have to sit or lie down to see how long it takes to feel ten fetal movements. It usually doesn't take too long. In the morning you can literally see my belly rolling around from the twins moving. It's not as weird as this video from my mom. (Don't worry, it's not Mork and Mindy.)