Saturday, December 5, 2009

What Bed Rest for Two Months Is Like, Part II: I Make Fun of My Mother's Videos

I take a drug called Nifedipine, which is usually used to treat high blood pressure, but for me is key in stopping contractions. I set an alarm to take it every three hours, eight times a day. Just to be safe, at night I set two alarms. In addition because of my gestational diabetes, I check my blood sugar when I wake up and an hour after every meal. That means more alarms. I LIVE by alarms now. My sleeping hours are interrupted by a combination of niphedipine alarms every three hours and waking up to pee every one to two hours (the twins don't give my bladder much space). It feels like this is just preparation for what sleep will be like with two newborns.

All I hear any more...

I also have to do contraction checks twice a day for an hour each time. This actually started before I was ever in the hospital as part of a program to identify labor-inducing contractions and prevent pre-term labor in moms carrying multiples. Contraction checks involve lying on your side while you feel your belly with your hand. A hardening of the uterus is a Braxton Hicks contraction, and they often don't even involve pressure or pain. Contractions are okay (and normal as the pregnancy progresses) but it's of concern if there are too many within an hour or if they're at set intervals. (Thank goodness each of the three times I may have started to go into labor I noticed the contractions right away!) Then I log the number of contractions in that hour in my contraction diary. (This is in addition to my gestational diabetes blood sugar log.) Someone from the "contraction hotline" calls me once a week to record all the contraction totals. I'm not completely sure why.)

"Dear contraction diary... Zombie gynecologist is so dreamy..."

So two hours of my day is spent lying down with my hand on my belly feeling for contractions. Thankfully my doctor told me yesterday I could stop because all they care about now are the stronger ones. All I can do during that time is talk on the phone and watch TV. I often talk to Mark's mom or my mom, who also likes to send me awful Mork and Mindy videos of the episodes where Mork has a baby. I definitely run out of shows to watch. I pick ones I don't watch with Mark, so it's been a lot of Say Yes to the Dress, America's Next Top Model, Survivor, and Models of the Runway. (Don't judge!) Also, I watch reality show analysis on video on Entertainment Weekly's website. (Twins, if you're reading this in the future, I know you now think your mommy is brain dead.)

I know it's hard to believe but Jonathan Winters playing Mork and Mindy's child who ages in reverse does not hold up well.

Did The Curious Case of (Why No One Edited) Benjamin Button steal their central idea from Mork and Mindy but make it creepier?

I also have to sit or lie down to see how long it takes to feel ten fetal movements. It usually doesn't take too long. In the morning you can literally see my belly rolling around from the twins moving. It's not as weird as this video from my mom. (Don't worry, it's not Mork and Mindy.)


  1. Kathy, I didn't just send you Jonathan Winters hatching on Mork and Mindy. I also sent you some other funny and strange videos to entertain you. You don't recognize good film art. It is difficult to find good videos and other sources of entertainment. So if anyone has some ideas, send them to her. Kathy needs her spirits lifted.

  2. "It is difficult to find good videos and other sources of entertainment. So if anyone has some ideas, send them to her."

    1) Good videos rarely have only FOUR votes on You Tube. For the last video you sent me that I saw spoofing "The Dating Game" I assume those votes were cast by the bachelorette/mom-to-be and the three men dressed as babies. (Yes, it's as good as it sounds.)

    2) I appreciate the good intentions but... No!!! Didn't you read my post? I'm not bored on bed rest. At least not bored enough to want people to seek out videos to send to me. (Especially not ones with only FOUR votes.) Nothing involving Butterball turkeys either, MOM.

  3. And to think I thought I was being helpful. I especially liked the 1956 commercial on buttering your turkey for Thanksgiving. I always call Kathy my little "butterball" because of her size and because she likes to put moisturizing cream on herself to prevent stretch marks. I thought it was good Thanksgiving humor.

  4. Oh no... Now you're making me feel guilty. I'll get to do this one day!

  5. Kathy, What's the matter with you? You're not supposed to feel guilty. You were supposed to have a good come back to my video Thanksgiving humor. Stop the guilt trip. . .Get some spunk! or humor. . .or butter. . .or something!

  6. No, you're right, Mom. You were trying to be helpful. I'm sorry I'm not a better daughter. You deserve better.

  7. Oh Kathleen. . .Wow! You can play for an audience.
    It's oscar time. . . You had the wrong career. I always knew that you should be an writer/actress like Tina Fey. Saturday Night Live is the perfect genre. I can just picture you being interviewed by James Lipton on Bravo's Inside the Actor's Studio telling the world how you suffered under your mother's care. You are impressive. The twins will inherit a true gift.

  8. Just one more thing. . .I forgot how much fun we have together. I just don't get to see you enough.
    It's too bad we don't live closer so that I could be there for you. I miss you. See you after the babies are born. Love and Lots of Hugs, Mom