Every year my dad, er... Santa makes one person the recipient of one of his crazy gifts. This year it was me.
Santa can't be bothered to write fancy letters like "r" and "o."
First he gave me tools I might need in opening the gift.
"You may or may not need a box cutter, saw, mallet, hammer, and Scotch tape."
Then I got to work...
Upon opening the box I saw a bunch of individually wrapped items as well as cups duct-taped together, a water bottle, a Coke can, and an orange. As the "open first" envelope explained, I would find pieces of a treasure map upon opening each of the individually wrapped items. Did I mention the copious amounts of duct tape used? And the gratuitous amounts of random torn yellow graph paper? The paper was meant to confuse me since it was the same type as the treasure map paper.
My dad wanted the (not shown) orange as his snack later.
One of the pieces was inside a water bottle that Mark had to cut open.
The inside of the bottle was still wet.
Early on I peeked inside the Coke can but didn't see a piece of paper. After I'd emptied the box I realized the can had to have something inside...
Thanks, Dad, for not rinsing the inside of the can before putting the piece inside.
My brother and I taped the treasure map together. It was a floorplan of my house. I was to go to each number on the map in order to find a clue. Each clue when put in the order of the numbers, spelled a message.
We never did figure out what happened to the missing piece on the left side. My dad said he had written "Abandon all hope ye who enter here."
Did I mention there were also pieces that when taped together formed a fake treasure map?
One of the numbers on the map led me to the hall closet. After searching the entire closet I looked up behind me and saw the hidden clue.
My dad was also the king of hiding Easter eggs growing up. I'd beg him to hide the plastic eggs again and again because he'd really hide them.
We had decided at the last minute to open gifts on Christmas Eve night so my dad couldn't go with his original plan to have some of the clues hidden in the babies' diapers (which would have been awesome). He had to change some of the clues.
So glad I didn't have to look inside.
This is what I found behind the diaper pail (which I had to find in the dark while James was sleeping):
Santa likes Marie Callender's no-sugar-added apple and razzleberry pies.
And finally, the present from Santa:
I was impressed that Santa actually created a border on the computer! Also, judging by my past e-mails from Santa, I'M not surprised that Santa wrote all in caps.
What it says:
This coupon entitles bearer to a night out with Santa (but not later than 10:30 p.m.). Mrs. Santa will babysit if required. This includes dinner at any place selected by the bearer as long as they serve dead meat for Santa. If the bearer is a good little girl, it may also include a movie or a ballgame to be named later. By the way, it could also include a show or play at the civic center if Santa gets lucky at poker. Bearer must provide transportation and Santa promises to wear a clean shirt and socks. Expiration date: never.