Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Kathy: Puke Detective

So I clogged my friend's sink with puke. I know, I know - next time use the toilet. But the sink was so big and inviting...

Let me set the stage. I was at Sophie's loft several weeks ago where she was hosting a listening party for our friend Jon's new CD. I chatted with Lauren who had a baby about six months ago. She asked how my pregnancy was going so far, and I bragged that I'd had no symptoms of morning sickness, and that I was doubly lucky being that twins usually make morning sickness worse. And then 20 minutes later the puking began.

I sat down with Mark and just didn't feel good. I didn't know why and I didn't really feel nauseous. I went upstairs to go to the bathroom and then well... you can guess. There were four forceful heaves where I barely caught my breath between them. Unfortunately I chose the sink as my receptacle. I had no idea that making the sink my personal vomitorium would clog it. I called Mark upstairs to figure out an attack strategy, and I fully planned to fish out the chunks blocking the drain myself, but then I really started feeling sick to my stomach again and had to sit down. Poor Mark ended up cleaning the sink all by himself. (Kelsi pointed out that I do have to bear his children, so we can call it even.)

I told Matthew, "When you go through your photographs from that night there will be one where I'll be looking up at the ceiling thinking, "I am just not feeling good and I don't know why..." 15 minutes later: Blaaaaaaaeghhh!" Matthew was nice enough to find the aforementioned unflattering picture of me full of pre-vomit fear.


Thankfully it didn't happen in the middle of a trans-Pacific flight like last time. You can read that awesome account here. (It was so bad I puked five times and made one bathroom out of order.) Kathy's Puketastic Flight as Reviewed on Yelp

I couldn't decide between captions so you get two:
1) Fly the puke-filled skies
2) Something puke-y in the air


So the big question is, what caused the pukage?

I called an advice nurse the next day because my book said to call if you experience vomiting in the second or third trimesters if you didn't vomit during the first. I asked her if it might be food poisoning, and she agreed that was likely. (To be fair, Mark thought I lead her there.) She asked what I'd eaten the day before and I said a chicken burrito and a sausage pizza, and she said I should choose less fatty foods. Ouch. I got schooled. (Okay, the sausage pizza isn't the best thing to eat, but it's not like I eat at Little Star Pizza every week. At most I go once a month and usually just get the cheese. And the grilled chicken burrito was pretty healthy. You know, except for the possible vomit-inducing bacteria.)

I saw my OB/gyn yesterday and brought up the incident and she said she didn't know why that would happen. It was weird asking my doctor hypothetical puke questions nearly a month after the fact just so I could report back a conclusive puke answer. I wanted to say, "But I need this settled for my blog!"

Reasons it might be morning sickness
-I'm pregnant
-It involved vomit
-Did I mention I'm pregnant?

Reasons it might be food poisoning
-Not preceeded by nausea
-No trigger like a smell
-Nurse said food poisoning was likely
-I'm not going to lie. I want to keep the perfect morning sickness record alive.


Vomit FAQ:

Why did I choose the sink?
I always thought with toilets there was a chance of splash back. I've since been told there's not if you kneel down in front of it. But Sophie's sink looked so nice and easy to reach...

If it was food poisoning, what did I eat?

From what I've read food poisoning usually occurs on average 8 hours (but can be 6 to 48 hours) after eating contaminated food. My guess is that it was the Una Mas chicken burrito I had at lunch... almost 8 hours before the incident. (I ate there at 3 p.m. so I wonder if they left meat out for a couple hours.) If I'd actually gone to De Afghanan Kabob House in the last two days I'd blame their tasty, yet unsanitary, Unwashed Hands Kabob.


Scene of the gastrointestinal crime?


De Afghanan Kabob House: Home of the Unwashed Hands Kabob.


What did I throw up?

Okay, no one actually asked that, but I thought I'd volunteer that it looked and smelled like pizza from one of the greatest pizza places on earth, Little Star. Thankfully that won't slow me down from eating there in the future.


Imagine this put in a food processor and emptied into a sink. And then imagine Mark cleaning it up.

The moral of the story is this: Don't get food poisoning when you're pregnant or on an airline flight because no one will believe that's the reason for the pukeage.



Epilogue:


Jon was nice enough to still sign a CD for us, despite my retching during track 10.

5 comments:

  1. If you keep going on and on about how "inviting" Sophie's sink is you're going to have pregnant women from miles around coming to puke in her sink. is that what you want?

    PS: Unamas food gave my coworker Tom food poisoning, so that's another piece of evidence in favor of the food poisoning theory. Just doing my part to support you in your quest to be able to say you had a morning-sickness-free pregnancy.

    Lila

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  2. This post make me LMAO. What is it with you and puking in sinks?!

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  3. what a coincidence!!! I threw up deep dish (Zachary's) Pizza two weeks ago. hope you have no more puke for a while. puke sux.

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  4. Lila, well Sophie *does* do maternity photography so maybe that's something she should put in her ads. "Pregnancy photography and big and inviting puke-friendly sinks!"

    Yes! More support for my food poisoning by Una Mas theory!

    Sara, I'm afraid of toilet splashback. (With good reason since a friend just reported today that she recently experienced it.) Also, I'm a toilet snob. They're icky and sinks are... nice.

    Kelsi, I'm sorry to hear about your deep dish puking experience. Hopefully you will still want to eat Zachary's in the future. Also, hopefully cheese didn't stop up the drain as it did in my case. Oh wait, you were probably normal and used a toilet.

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  5. I am tearing up with laughter, especially since I took a mid-blog detour to your Yelp review.

    I'm sorry for laughing over your physical ailments. But you're just so funny.

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