16. Don't wash your hands.
I developed a terrible case of eczema that the dermatologist says won't go away for about 3 years ("until they're out of diapers") because of all the bottle and hand washing. I'll spare you the details (#14 on this page), but I recommend washing your hands as little as possible, not using hot water, wearing vinyl gloves to wash bottles (or making someone else do it), using Dove Sensitive Skin soap, and putting vaseline on your hands before bed (and then putting cotton gloves on your hands) to de-stress them.
17. Buy tubes - not tubs - of Desitin for diaper rash.
It's only an "e" but it makes all the difference. Yes tubs are more economical, but with tubs you end up with Desitin everywhere - it's especially hard to avoid as you probe deeper into the Desitin tub. It's like that maple syrup container at your local diner that's always covered with maple syrup.
Your hand and wrist will look like this...
...But you'll feel like this.
(for the record these are not our children)
I was amazed at how my singing was enough to silence crying babies, especially when they were little. (Related tip: Whistling works ever BETTER than singing. I try to reserve it for "special" occasions - like complete meltdowns - so they don't get desensitized to it. I have a certain song when we go out ("The Lion Sleeps Tonight") and just my singing it excites them because they know a trip outside is in store. Plus I have certain songs reserved for taking naps (such as "Let's All Sing Like the Birdies Sing" from The Tiki Room at Disneyland), a song I made up for diapering ("Here We Go a Diaperin'"), and more songs I made up for meal times ("Yogurt Starts with a Y" and "Apricots: They're Small and They're Orange".)
Worst Advice (a.k.a. Non-Advice)
1) Get your sleep now!
Thanks. I think I'll go hibernate for three months.
2) Your body will never be the same!
Thanks, Mom, for telling me this repeatedly. You're not bitter about something I did, are you?